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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Superfluous subject substantives

Why does English need these? I'm talking about sentences like "It's raining" (Korean: "rain comes;" Italian: "rains") or "It's hot" (Korean: "hot;" Italian: "does hot.") This probably occurs more often than I realize, especially in what my Italian textbook called "impersonal expressions:" it's a shame that, it's too bad that, it's unacceptable that...

Why am I asking this, do you ask? Because of this AWESOME [lest you think that is merely my opinion, have a look at the innumerable number of stars in the top left corner] SONG (fake link! but follow it anyway) which answers that question of questions, "What is America?" Answer: It's America!!!



I will now display the lyrics, and comment IN BOLD AND CAPITAL LETTERS. Please take everything I write super-seriously (this is what happens when I spend 2 weeks in a county with only 1 radio station and no public recycling program), and don't neglect to delve into the labyrinth of wikipedia links I've set out for you.

Drivin' down the street today
Saw the sign for lemonade (THIS ONLY COUNTS AS AMERICANA BECAUSE THE KIDS DON'T ACTUALLY NEED THE MONEY. SEE HOW MUCH YOU APPRECIATE 7- YEAR-OLD THAI CHILDREN TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU TO BUY A FLOWER NECKLACE.)
They were the cutest kids (OTHER COUNTRIES DON'T HAVE CUTE KIDS)
I've seen in this front yard (OK, MAYBE YOU SAVED YOURSELF WITH THE LIMITING QUALIFIER, THOUGH ITS STATUS AS SUCH IS A BIT AMBIGUOUS, BUT ANYHOW I WON'T GIVE UP)

As they handed me my glass
Smiled and thinkin' to myself
Man what a picture perfect postcard this would make
Of America (PLEASE TELL ME, WHAT IS AMERICA?)

It's a high school prom (I'LL ADMIT I DON'T KNOW WHETHER OTHER COUNTRIES DO PROMS AND HOMECOMINGS. BUT CHECK THIS ARTICLE OUT)
It's a springstein song (NO OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE NATIONALISTIC SONGS)
It's a ride in a cheverlet (SO LONG AS IT'S NOT A CHRYSLER, AND ALSO THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SPELL IT, MR. LYRICS TRANSCRIBER)
It's a man on the moon (TOUCHE`)
And fireflies in June (2nd ADMISSION: FIREFLIES ARE COOL, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU SWAT THEM WITH PLASTIC BATS AND TENNIS RACKETS, AND I KNOW I'M NOT ALONE IN HAVING DONE THIS)
Kids sellin lemonade (NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE AND IS BAD FOR YOUR TEETH)
It's cities and farms (AMERICA INVENTED THEM BOTH)
And open arms (FREE HUGS IF YOU CAN GET OVER THE FENCE AND PAST THE BORDER PATROL!)
One nation under God (ONLY SINCE THE 1950s; AND EVEN THEN, WE PROBABLY AREN'T THE ONLY ONE)
It's America

Later on when I got home
I flipped the t.v on (INVENTED THAT. CAN'T TAKE CREDIT FOR THE RADIO, THOUGH)
I saw a little town that some big
Twister tore apart (THAT'S RIGHT, WE HAVE MORE FREAK WEATHER EVENTS THAN ANY OTHER COUNTRY. THIS IS TRUE, I READ IT SOMEWHERE. MAYBE IN JARED DIAMOND'S COLLAPSE)
People came from miles around (SCREW YOU, METRIC SYSTEM)
Just to help their neighbors out (AMERICANS INVENTED COMMUNITIES AND NICENESS. THE GOOD SAMARITAN? TOTALLY AMERICAN.)
And I was thinkin' to my self
I'm so glad that I live in America (I'D RATHER LIVE SOMEWHERE WITHOUT TWISTERS)

~~(chorus)

Now we might not always get it right (FAIR ENOUGH)
But there's nowhere else I rather build my life (EVER TRIED?)

Cause it's a kid with a chance (WELL, I GUESS WE DID KIND OF INVENT UPWARD/SOCIAL MOBILITY. BUT HOW MUCH OF IT REMAINS IS STILL AN OPEN QUESTION.)
It's a rock n roll band (WE HAVE TO FIGHT BRITAIN FOR THIS TITLE)
It's a farmer cuttin' hay (NO RICE HERE!)

It's a flag blowin' in the summer wind (OTHER FLAGS ARE PARALYZED, PERHAPS BECAUSE THEY'RE IN SHOCK BECAUSE WE'RE SO AWESOME?!)
Over some fallen hero's grave. (HEROES ARE BY DEFINITION AMERICANS, AMERICANS ARE BY DEFINITION HEROES)

Prominent video themes: handshakes 'n' hugs, soldiers 'n' flags, mechanics, baseball caps, samwiches
Conspicuously absent: non-whites who aren't dressed up in kitschy clothes. problems that can't be fixed up with a samwich.

Now, to lighten the mood: HONKY TONK BADONKADONK

4 comments:

catan said...

i could build a settlement on that badonkadonk

Dave said...

I'm still confused, what exactly is America? Awesome? A merica?

Mike said...

It's not just A merica. It's The Merica.

Adam said...

mike... didn't yo momma teach you not to make fun of retarded people?