Samberg and Timberlake do Mother's (Mothers'?) Day

5(C) J(S)5(S)5(D)5(H)

I have now realized one of my few explicit life goals. It is: getting a 28 hand in cribbage. According to this page, there are 12 million 944 thousand 8 hundred possible cribbage hands, 7ty six of which can combine to make 28 points. So, depending on how you write it, the odds of getting such a hand are either 0.0006 or one in 15,028 or

6.65424541 × 10^-5!

Have you ever done anything so improbable? (Existing doens't count because of the good old anthropic principle)

Superfluous subject substantives

Why does English need these? I'm talking about sentences like "It's raining" (Korean: "rain comes;" Italian: "rains") or "It's hot" (Korean: "hot;" Italian: "does hot.") This probably occurs more often than I realize, especially in what my Italian textbook called "impersonal expressions:" it's a shame that, it's too bad that, it's unacceptable that...

Why am I asking this, do you ask? Because of this AWESOME [lest you think that is merely my opinion, have a look at the innumerable number of stars in the top left corner] SONG (fake link! but follow it anyway) which answers that question of questions, "What is America?" Answer: It's America!!!



I will now display the lyrics, and comment IN BOLD AND CAPITAL LETTERS. Please take everything I write super-seriously (this is what happens when I spend 2 weeks in a county with only 1 radio station and no public recycling program), and don't neglect to delve into the labyrinth of wikipedia links I've set out for you.

Drivin' down the street today
Saw the sign for lemonade (THIS ONLY COUNTS AS AMERICANA BECAUSE THE KIDS DON'T ACTUALLY NEED THE MONEY. SEE HOW MUCH YOU APPRECIATE 7- YEAR-OLD THAI CHILDREN TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU TO BUY A FLOWER NECKLACE.)
They were the cutest kids (OTHER COUNTRIES DON'T HAVE CUTE KIDS)
I've seen in this front yard (OK, MAYBE YOU SAVED YOURSELF WITH THE LIMITING QUALIFIER, THOUGH ITS STATUS AS SUCH IS A BIT AMBIGUOUS, BUT ANYHOW I WON'T GIVE UP)

As they handed me my glass
Smiled and thinkin' to myself
Man what a picture perfect postcard this would make
Of America (PLEASE TELL ME, WHAT IS AMERICA?)

It's a high school prom (I'LL ADMIT I DON'T KNOW WHETHER OTHER COUNTRIES DO PROMS AND HOMECOMINGS. BUT CHECK THIS ARTICLE OUT)
It's a springstein song (NO OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE NATIONALISTIC SONGS)
It's a ride in a cheverlet (SO LONG AS IT'S NOT A CHRYSLER, AND ALSO THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SPELL IT, MR. LYRICS TRANSCRIBER)
It's a man on the moon (TOUCHE`)
And fireflies in June (2nd ADMISSION: FIREFLIES ARE COOL, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU SWAT THEM WITH PLASTIC BATS AND TENNIS RACKETS, AND I KNOW I'M NOT ALONE IN HAVING DONE THIS)
Kids sellin lemonade (NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE AND IS BAD FOR YOUR TEETH)
It's cities and farms (AMERICA INVENTED THEM BOTH)
And open arms (FREE HUGS IF YOU CAN GET OVER THE FENCE AND PAST THE BORDER PATROL!)
One nation under God (ONLY SINCE THE 1950s; AND EVEN THEN, WE PROBABLY AREN'T THE ONLY ONE)
It's America

Later on when I got home
I flipped the t.v on (INVENTED THAT. CAN'T TAKE CREDIT FOR THE RADIO, THOUGH)
I saw a little town that some big
Twister tore apart (THAT'S RIGHT, WE HAVE MORE FREAK WEATHER EVENTS THAN ANY OTHER COUNTRY. THIS IS TRUE, I READ IT SOMEWHERE. MAYBE IN JARED DIAMOND'S COLLAPSE)
People came from miles around (SCREW YOU, METRIC SYSTEM)
Just to help their neighbors out (AMERICANS INVENTED COMMUNITIES AND NICENESS. THE GOOD SAMARITAN? TOTALLY AMERICAN.)
And I was thinkin' to my self
I'm so glad that I live in America (I'D RATHER LIVE SOMEWHERE WITHOUT TWISTERS)

~~(chorus)

Now we might not always get it right (FAIR ENOUGH)
But there's nowhere else I rather build my life (EVER TRIED?)

Cause it's a kid with a chance (WELL, I GUESS WE DID KIND OF INVENT UPWARD/SOCIAL MOBILITY. BUT HOW MUCH OF IT REMAINS IS STILL AN OPEN QUESTION.)
It's a rock n roll band (WE HAVE TO FIGHT BRITAIN FOR THIS TITLE)
It's a farmer cuttin' hay (NO RICE HERE!)

It's a flag blowin' in the summer wind (OTHER FLAGS ARE PARALYZED, PERHAPS BECAUSE THEY'RE IN SHOCK BECAUSE WE'RE SO AWESOME?!)
Over some fallen hero's grave. (HEROES ARE BY DEFINITION AMERICANS, AMERICANS ARE BY DEFINITION HEROES)

Prominent video themes: handshakes 'n' hugs, soldiers 'n' flags, mechanics, baseball caps, samwiches
Conspicuously absent: non-whites who aren't dressed up in kitschy clothes. problems that can't be fixed up with a samwich.

Now, to lighten the mood: HONKY TONK BADONKADONK

Pictures!

Chronological posting has begun. Photos from the first half of December (i.e. Taiwan, and Singapore) have now been uploaded.

UPDATE: The rest of December (Mainland Malaysia and Borneo) have been posted.

UPDATE: (15 April) Angkor Wat and the rest of the Cambodia photos are up.

UPDATE: (16 April) Vietnam photos are up.

UPDATE: (17 April) Laos and Chiang Mai pictures are up. That's the whole 10 weeks up until the CELTA course!

What the bus ride led up to

EDIT: SOME CALIFORNIA PHOTOS HAVE NOW BEEN POSTED

"ASIAGANZA" TRIP PHOTOS LATER

Hrm. Writing this post, I have an extremely awkward feeling. Probably because the people with whom I spent the most time over the past few days are the ones who are most likely to read and comment on it. Usually I can just make up realistic adventures and people will believe they really happened. In this case I ought to just stick to the facts. Thus:

Things recently done include:

-Spending Saturday-Wednesday at Yosemite with David and Andy Pekema(aka the "let's-pull-our-pants-down-and-take-a-picture-by-this-waterfall" brothers)
-- Preparing on Friday by going shopping for longjohns, plastic bowls and spoons, and a "sanitation trowel." I assumed this would be used to fling my excretions into the forest, but apparently you're supposed to dig a little pit and poo into it. You probably don't have to guess which I did.
-- hiking 45 miles or so over 5 days, over rocks and through muck and snow
-- lizard-resting on rocks in the sun, drinking purified stream water and snacking on GORP
-- eating untold amounts of aforementioned home-made GORP, plus salamei, peanut butter, and instant potatoes
-- sleeping in a sleeping bag on a tarp under the stars with piles of snow 15 feet away (aka "alpha-maling")
-- rinsing off in freezing stream water
-- taking photos of various shenanigans
-- not being afraid of bears. not even a little bit.

-Followed by several days with the illustrious Jeff Stepp, spent
--Visiting various ritzy malls in search of big, shiny watches.
--Visiting used book shops and stumbling across "The Mike Roy Cookbook No. 2" (LITERALLY!)
--Playing stupid amounts of a board/video game Jeff read about in Wired magazine called "Settlers of Catan."
--Cooking out of the "Grange Cookbook" purchased at the used book shop: aloha chicken, napoli pizza, peach crisp.
--Taking a mini-road trip from LA up to San Fran.
---First by driving up the 1, the westernmost road in the US (I figure), running along the Pacific coast.
---Stopping for a night at Morro Bay to watch seals or sea lions or whatever they were play in the marina while we had dinner.
---Going to Hearst Castle so a 65 year-old named "Art" could use his "tour" as a pretense to make about 6000 terrible puns.
---Driving through Greenfield, the town where I spent innumerable summers, looking at houses where my friends and I used to live, which have now been abandoned because the owners took out too many loans and were forced to foreclose.
---Spending an evening at Chez Pekema, eating free fish and ribs and seeing David and Andy's parents for the first time in 5 years or more.

As with the last 5 months' worth of hijinks, photos coming sooner or later.